by Maria Bratikova

You watch a 10-minute footage of a man
cooking – from preparation to consumption –
and 99% of the 7k comments asks what
the title of the soundtrack is.

I just diligently studied a 22-minute grain-
by-grain cooking of Uzbek Plov and the
main comment asked: does it have to
be rice? Er. . . hello! I‘m hungry. Hear?

Did BBM inhale at the Coldplay concert?
Netanyahu is running amok, for christssakes!
Damon Imani made such a w/effing meme,
I almost peed myself.

Which reminds me of Hausmeister Krause‘s
daughter who likes Pizza al Funghi, but
no Funghi, please. Que barbaridad.

I‘m your friend, I’m not your friend. Just
follow me now – makes for a better optics.
So, listen to me.

Any way. . . chicken biryani would probably
be fitter if I use lamb chops.

. . . or locusts!