In the ever-entertaining circus of career transformations, Jay Sonza emerges as the maestro, orchestrating a symphony of absurdity. 

From the solemn corridors of broadcast journalism, he pirouetted into the whimsical world of blogging, where profound thoughts were replaced with clickbait in the pursuit of digital stardom. 

Then, as the consultant for the beleaguered SMNI news network, he offered sage advice akin to a toddler wielding a toy hammer in a construction site.

Now, in an unparalleled feat of metamorphosis, Sonza dons the glittering robes of Madam Auring, the self-proclaimed soothsayer of seismic events. Forget meteorologists and seismologists; why bother with science when you can have the clairvoyant prowess of a former journalist? It’s a spectacle that makes Nostradamus look like an amateur. 

Perhaps, in this era of unpredictability, we should all turn to our screens for guidance from the oracle of sensationalism. After all, who needs facts when you can have a weather forecast delivered with the flair of a carnival fortune teller?

(Melchor Vergara contributed to this report)