January 2-31, 2024 Not Holdays – Malacañang

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – In a news-breaking announcement, Malacañang has declared January 2-31, 2024, as NOT national holidays, citing the urgent need for a month-long national reality check. 

The decree asserts that citizens will benefit from a mandatory return to the daily grind, where dreams of extended vacations and leisurely breaks are to be crushed systematically. 

Presidential spokesperson Just Kidding Ramos explained, “We believe that prolonged holidays lead to excessive happiness, and we can’t have a nation full of cheerful, well-rested people. It’s time to face reality – the world doesn’t stop for happiness.” 

Separate non-holiday declarations will be issued each month, the Palace told The Adobo Chronicles.

Citizens are encouraged to embrace the grind with open arms and stifled yawns.

Glenn Chong Confirms: Bb. Maharlika Is A Paid Troll!

Glenn Chong, the self-proclaimed crusader against Smartmatic and Philippine election fraud, has inadvertently confirmed that anti-Marcos vlogger Maharlika Boldjakera, a.k.a. Claire Eden Contreras, is indeed a paid troll. 

Chong, known for his relentless pursuit of truth, mistakenly posted a private message to Claire, revealing a clandestine arrangement. (He was recently a guest of Maharlika who gave him a whirlwind tour of Hollywood tourist destinations like Universal Studios and the Hollywood Sign.)

Chong let slip that he had left a discreet envelope for the Los Angeles-based Filipina vlogger. The envelope, timed perfectly for the New Year festivities, turned out to be an ampao bursting with an unexpected stack of P500-peso bills. 

It seems that Chong’s anti-troll campaign might be funded by a unique form of philanthropy, where trolls are not only acknowledged but generously compensated.

As the online community unravels the mystery behind this inadvertent revelation, one can’t help but wonder if the future of truth-seeking involves hefty ampao distributions. Perhaps the real currency of justice is not in facts but in a crisp, undisclosed stack of bills. Happy New Year indeed!

Top 15 Hashtags Of 2023

Ah, as the curtains come down on the eventful 2023, The Adobo Chronicles team has curated the top Internet hashtags of 2023.

We thought we’d limit it to ten, but ten wasn’t good enough, so we relented and came up with fifteen. We could have gone to twenty but we thought we’ll let our readers complete our list. So, what are you waiting for? Add your hashtag in the comment section.

Here’s ours, in no particular order:

TOP 15 HASHTAGS OF 2023:

  1. #ConfidentialFunds
  2. #Tambaloslos
  3. #NaBudol
  4. #DDShits
  5. #PorDeeUniverse
  6. #TVJ
  7. #AllanTroy
    1. #Polvoron
    2. #HungerStrike
    3. #Pasok_ICC
    4. #PersonaNonGrata
    5. #InBaguioAsAFriend
    6. #NabawiNaBaNatinAngSabá
    7. #ToughTen
    8. #Franchise
    9. #MTRCB
    10. #LoveThePhilippines
    11. #__DaysNaLangPaskoNa
    12. #WalangPasok
    13. #Ngiwi