In a stunning display of political theatrics, Sara Duterte, the master of the political puppetry, has declared that she won’t be running for president in 2028. It’s a statement so believable that even unicorns are considering a career in accounting. As critics scramble to decipher the true meaning of her words, it’s reminiscent of a Shakespearean comedy where everyone misunderstands everyone else.

The alleged impeachment plans against Duterte have all the subtlety of a bull in a China shop. It’s like trying to catch smoke with a butterfly net — an exercise in futility. The sudden uproar over confidential funds is as convincing as a magic trick at a children’s birthday party. Abracadabra, look over here while the real trick is happening behind the scenes!

Even a fifth-grader can see through the smoke and mirrors; it’s a classic diversion tactic. While her opponents strategize, Duterte probably has a countdown clock to 2028 hidden somewhere, chuckling at the chaos she’s orchestrated. As for her statement, seasoned politicians know it’s just a draft waiting for the appropriate time to be revised. So, as the opposition contemplates its next move, we’ll just grab the popcorn and wait for the next act of this political circus. The drawing board might need a vacation after this.