Ah, the uproar over the confidential intelligence funds of the Office of the Vice President and, more recently, the Office of the President – what a riveting spectacle of moral outrage! It’s almost amusing how we’re collectively clutching our pearls over the labels – confidential, secret, discretionary. After all, what’s in a name, right? 

Let’s not forget the pièce de résistance, the granddaddy of them all, the true mastermind behind our financial conundrums: the infamous PORK BARREL! Ah, that delightful line item in our budget, a true testament to fiscal responsibility.

Now, I can’t help but ponder, if only PM Benjamin Netanyahu had access to more intelligence funds, perhaps he could have foreseen the surprise Hamas attack on Israel! Who needs military intelligence when you can have confidential intelligence funds, right?

So, my dear fellow Filipinos, let’s not be so quick to cast stones. Let’s embrace the secrecy of our confidential intelligence funds because, who knows, they might just save us from the cunning schemes of foreign and local troublemakers. After all, surprises are best left to birthday parties, not national politics or international conflicts.