AYUNGIN SHOAL, South China Sea (The Adobo Chronicles, Marine Bureau) – In an apparent display of goodwill and concern, China has declared that the mysterious floating barriers recently erected in the South China Sea are actually giant pool noodles designed for the safety and protection of Filipino fishermen. 

According to Beijing, these colossal noodles will serve as makeshift lifebuoys in case Filipino fishing boats capsize in bad weather, ensuring that the fishermen have something to cling on to while awaiting rescue. 

Critics have suggested that it’s just China’s creative way of expanding its territorial grasp while doubling as a bizarre aquatic amusement park. 

Nevertheless, China’s commitment to Filipino fishermen’s safety is as clear as the South China Sea’s murky waters.