San Francisco, California – It’s been two weeks since the new eastern span of the Bay Bridge opened to traffic.  Now, the biggest controversy over the bridge is about to unfold. A new security leak reveals a shocking secret about the multi-million dollar infrastructure.

While commuters marveled at the suspension cables that emanate from a single tower, they are unaware that the light poles lining either side of the new span are actually missiles that can be activated and launched by a single computer switch. The missiles, according to the leaked documents, function both as “offensive and defensive weapons.”

The Adobo Chronicles learned that the secret missiles were incorporated into the construction plan soon after North Korea announced that they have nuclear missiles capable of reaching the U.S. West Coast.

The National Security Administration refused to confirm or deny the information leaked to the U.S. media. However, an NSA employee who requested anonymity for fear of retaliation from his superiors,  commented: “The new span, because of issues with faulty bolts, might not withstand a 6.9 magnitude earthquake, but  it will  definitely deter any missile attacks against the U.S.”