MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) – In a news-breaking announcement, Malacañang has declared January 2-31, 2024, as NOT national holidays, citing the urgent need for a month-long national reality check. 

The decree asserts that citizens will benefit from a mandatory return to the daily grind, where dreams of extended vacations and leisurely breaks are to be crushed systematically. 

Presidential spokesperson Just Kidding Ramos explained, “We believe that prolonged holidays lead to excessive happiness, and we can’t have a nation full of cheerful, well-rested people. It’s time to face reality – the world doesn’t stop for happiness.” 

Separate non-holiday declarations will be issued each month, the Palace told The Adobo Chronicles.

Citizens are encouraged to embrace the grind with open arms and stifled yawns.