Menlo Park, California- It doesn’t matter that “selfie” was chosen the 2013 word of the year by the Oxford Dictionaries.
On the eve of New Year’s, Facebook announced that begining January 1, it will banish all selfies from its social networking site because majority of its subscribers have expressed annoyance over the posting of self-shot photos.
Facebook has installed a selfie detection device that would delete said photos even before they are posted online. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg, speaking from his office at the Facebook headquarters in Menlo Park, California, defended the decision by saying that “it is not that difficult to ask someone else to take one’s picture — your server at the restaurant, your fellow tourist at scenic spots, even your little brother or sister at home.” Zuckerberg also pointed out that the “mirror image” you see in a selfie is just an illusion. “In the eyes of others seeing your selfie, you don’t look anywhere close compared to a photo of you taken by another person,” he added.
Other social networking sites like Pinterest and LinkedIn are reportedly also considering a similar ban.
The good news for selfie addicts is that the ban is not retroactive. This means that all selfies posted as of midnight on December 31, 2013, will forever live in infamy on the Internet.
Pasadena, California – A San Diego woman is calling for a boycott of the popular Pasadena Rose Parade because two men from Los Angeles are scheduled to be married on a float called “Love is the Best Protection.” The cake-shaped float is being sponsored by The AIDS Healthcare Foundation to help raise awareness of HIV infection in the gay community.
Aubrey Loots, 42, and his partner Danny Leclair, 45, will tie the knot as nearly 68 million people watch, which will mark the first time a same-sex couple marries during the Rose Parade’s 125-year history. The men, who have been dating for 12 years, won the opportunity after they entered a contest at a wedding expo in October.
The woman, Karen Grube, believes the float should be removed from the New Year’s parade. She’s gone as far as to call corporate sponsors to gain their support in case the wedding goes as planned. Grube has also created a Facebook page called “Boycott the 2014 Rose Parade” to get others on her side.
As a compromise, parade organizers have agreed to build a second float on which a heterosexual couple will seek a divorce before a judge in front of the same 68 million people. Grube said she is pleased with the compromise and will herself lead a group of volunteers to build the “divorce float.”
The Adobo Chronicles has learned that the divorce float will be sponsored by Chick-Fil-A, with additional funding support from the Westboro Baptist Church. Parade organizers have also extended the invitation to the Robertson Family of Duck Dynasty to grace the float as the featured celebrities.
As of press time, 3,599 heterosexual couples have applied to be selected to undergo the divorce proceedings atop the Rose Parade float.
Manila, Philippines – Reliable sources within the Philippine military seem to confirm that a coup has been handed to NoyNoy Aquino on Christmas eve, but no one knows the whereabouts of the president.
Coups in the Phlippines – both successful and unsuccessful – have been staged against every Philippine president since the late Ferdinand Marcos fled to Hawaii following the EDSA People Power Revolution.
What’s different about this latest coup is that the instigator is no less than Kris Aquino, the president’s sister, who, in addition to her career in television, reportedly has her own political ambitions.
Upon further investigation of the report, military officials confirmed that they did intercept a cell phone message from Kris to NoyNoy. Apparently, the message said, “Mr. President, tomorrow morning, I will hand you a coup as my Christmas present to you. Please meet me at our hacienda in Tarlac.”
What the static-ridden message actually said was, “Mr. President, tomorrow morning, I will hand you the keys to a 2014 Nissan Sports Coupe as my Christmas present to you. Please meet me at our hacienda in Tarlac.”
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