ANOTHER U.S. MEDIA MERGER

onion-cnn-300x300Atlanta, Georgia – The bleeding in the country’s newsrooms never seems to stop.  All around the country, newsrooms are laying off personnel. Newspapers are paring down their circulation.  Television news networks are moving more and more towards entertainment content.  Above all, mergers between and among media companies are becoming a weekly occurrence.

The latest announced merger is between Cable News Network (CNN), the pioneer in 24-hour broadcast news, and  The Onion, the pioneer in organized news satire. Many in the journalism profession saw it coming, especially after CNN.com’s managing editor Meredith Artley appeared as a guest columnist in the latest issue of The Onion.  Artley’s column delved on why CNN.com made Miley Cyrus’ almost pornographic performance at the last Sunday’s MTV Video Music Awards its top story on Monday.

CNN CEO Jeff Zucker, in making the announcement at the network’s headquarters in Atlanta, said that the merger of the two media outlets cannot be more perfect. “It’s a partnership made in heaven,” Zucker said.  “Time and again, consumers of news have seen the parallelism between the CNN and The Onion styles of reporting. Both outlets excel in entertainment, sensationalism, and fakery,” he added.

The Adobo Chronicles interviewed people on the street to get their reaction to the merger.  One avid news consumer was ecstatic, saying that “finally, I do not have to decide which news is true and which is fake.  Now I know to consider this one (merged) news source as totally fake.”

BIG CHANGE IN OSCAR CEREMONIES IN 2015

imageHollywood, California – Change is coming to the Academy Awards in 2015. Inspired by the bikini performances of Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga at last night’s MTV Video Music Awards, the board of governors of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced not only a change in venue for the Oscars but the scrapping of the red carpet ceremonies.

The 2014 Oscar Awards to be hosted by Ellen DeGeneres will be the last ceremony to be held at the famed Dolby Theater (formerly the Kodak Theater) in Hollywood.  It will very well be the farewell performance of Joan Rivers, the red carpet queen. The reason? In 2015, the Oscar Awards ceremonies will be presented as a “beach party” in which the required attire for nominees, guests and spectators will be beach wear. This means the traditional red carpet ceremonies preceding the awards will be scrapped.

The board of governors said that the Academy members and worldwide viewers are tired of the boring red carpet which has produced some of the ugliest and ridiculous gowns and attire by the nominees and guests year after year.

Academy president Cheryl Boone Isaacs, the first African American to head this prestigious body, said that the new format is in keeping with the film trend which is seeing more and more frontal nudity among actors. “Eliminating the red carpet will move the focus away from fashion and into the real purpose of the awards, which is the recognition of outstanding achievement in film, ” Isaacs said. “Besides,” she added, “even Oscar (referring to the statuette) is not  wearing any clothes.”

Two venues are being considered for the 2015 “Beach” Oscar Ceremonies: the Santa Monica Board Walk and San Diego’s Seaworld.

MTV’S PORNO VIDEO MUSIC AWARDS

Miley Cyrus
Miley Cyrus

New York, New York – Millions of viewers got the shock of their lives Sunday night as MTV’s 2013 Video Music Awards unfolded on their televisions screens. Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga competed for the night’s most coveted  title of “porno queen,” a new award category begun this year by the music video channel.

Lady Gaga opened the program dressed in a white nun’s habit and square headdress.  At first the audience didn’t care much for her appearance, as evidenced by boos heard over the sound system.  But before her song, “Applause” came to an end, the crowd roared as she stripped down to a thong bikini and sea shell bras.  Not to be outdone, former teen idol Miley Cyrus didn’t bother to cover up right from the beginning of her number, “Blurred Lines,” with Robin Thicke.  She quickly stripped to a flesh-colored bikini, shook her bootie, stuck her tongue out and pointed a giant foam finger at  her and Thicke’s private parts.

Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga

The winner was not announced until after the telecast because the judges couldn’t decide on who was the better porno queen.  MTV had to rely on Twitter comments to make its final decision.  The verdict? Miley Cyrus wins.

MTV announced that beginning next year, it will also hand out a “porno king” award.  Because of the excitement generated by last night’s show, the network is reportedly contemplating on changing the official name of awards to MTV Porno Video Music Awards.

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