Atlanta, Georgia – Cable News Network (CNN) has announced that it is acquiring the E (Entertainment) Channel and that it is transitioning out of its normal news content. The announcement came just days after Al Jazeera America debuted on U.S. television sets beginning Tuesday this week. CNN was apparently threatened by the Qatar-owned international news network that boasts of news bureaus around the world, from the Philippines to South Africa. Al Jazeera America promised news programming that is less sensational, less opinionated, more in-depth and more accurate.
CNN’s top officials acknowledged that the network cannot compete with the resources and talent that is being brought into the American market by Al Jazeera television. Additionally ratings after ratings show that the number of CNN viewers in the U.S. have declined over the years, claiming only half the viewership of FOX News which maintains its lead over all the other cable news networks. CNN is second in ratings, followed by Headline News (HLN) and MSNBC.
On the other hand, CNN has found its niche in entertainment television, as shown by its recent coverage of the George Zimmerman trial and the wait for the arrival of England’s Royal baby. The network’s ratings also went up each time it covered celebrity gossips — from Lindsay Lohan to Justin Bieber. CNN also admitted that its political pundits and so-called experts are getting a bit old and tired of doing the same thing, 24 hours a day.
By purchasing the E Channel, CNN expects to recover from its financial losses and gain monopoly of big-time advertisers that usually support Hollywood-type content. CNN is also expected to eventually phase out its sister network, HLN.
Las Vegas, Nevada – The Miss Universe Organization has announced that NBA Hall of Famer Dennis Rodman will be among the celebrity judges at the forthcoming Miss Universe Pageant to be held in Moscow, Russia. The famous basketball player, who most recently shocked the world by his personal meeting with North Korean president Kim Jong Eun, will be the first-ever crossdresser to judge the pageant. Pageant officials requested that Rodman come dressed as a woman.
The announcement came just days after American television host Andy Cohen said that he was not going to fulfill his duties this year as co-emcee of the pageant, because of the anti-gay laws recently passed in Russia. Cohen is openly gay.
Donald Trump, owner of the Miss Universe Pageant said that since the organization has recently allowed transgender contestants to participate in the pageant, it just makes sense to also have a crossdresser as a member of the judging panel.
Rodman has not returned calls from The Adobo Chronicles which wanted to find out who is designing the NBA star’s gown for the final night telecast.
Russian officials were silent on the issue of whether Rodman will be subject to arrest if he attends the pageant dressed as a woman.
Chicago, Illinois – Anonymous sources at the Office of the Judge Advocate General (JAG) today announced that the conviction of Bradley Manning, the U.S. soldier sentenced to 35 years in military prison for leaking government classified documents, is likely to be overturned soon.
Manning received the sentence on Wednesday for giving more than 700,000 secret files, videos and diplomatic cables to WikiLeaks. His lawyers had argued the former Army intelligence analyst suffered a sexual identity crisis when he leaked the files while serving in Iraq in 2009 and 2010.
JAG’s opinion came after Manning, in a statement read on NBC’s “Today” show declared, “As I transition into this next phase of my life, I want everyone to know the real me. I am Chelsea Manning, I am a female.”
“Given the way that I feel and have felt since childhood, I want to begin hormone therapy as soon as possible,” Manning said. “I also request that starting today you refer to me by my new name and use the feminine pronoun.”
In view of this development, JAG said the military has no legal standing to carry out the conviction and sentence of the 25 year-old Manning, since SHE is no longer the same person it charged with the crime. “We have no choice but to drop the conviction and sentence,” JAG said.
Meanwhile, lawyers for Chelsea said they will file for compensation for time already served in prison by the former Bradley.