CLAIROL’S RED HAIR DYE SUPPLY DEPLETED!

imageStamford, Connecticut – Clairol, the largest hair dye company in the U.S., announced today that its inventory of red hair dye has just been depleted and that it is working 24 hours a day to try to meet the sudden surge in orders.

This unusual development came on the heels of a  National Geographic magazine report that less than 2 percent of the world’s population today has natural red hair and that redheads are bound for extinction as early as 2060.  The report cites global intermingling which has brought about this disturbing phenomonenon. Red hair is apparently more subservient in most cases where couples producing offsprings are a mix of redheads and brunettes or blondes.

Warehouse stores like Costco, WalMart and Target account for the bulk of red hair dye orders, according to Clairol. Local beauty salons have also reportedly started hoarding red hair dye, anticipating a great demand in the very near future.

Meanwhile, more and more celebrity redheads are insuring their red hair in anticipation of the impending red hair extinction, among them, Amy Adams, Debra Messing, Julia Roberts, Prince Harry, Conan O’Brien and Ewan McGregor.

HUGE PROTEST AT THE PORT OF SAN FRANCISCO

imageSan Francisco, California – Hundreds of thousands of San Franciscans are expected to gather in front of the Port of San Francisco building on Saturday to protest the new sign recently put up by the San Francisco Ports Authority.

The sign on the facade of the building, just beneath the iconic clock tower, reads “Port of San Fran.” Native San Franciscans — whose numbers are dwindling — as well as those who currently live, or have lived,  in the City by the Bay, have always found certain references to San Francisco extremely offensive.    These references include “San Fran,” “Frisco,” and “Sanfo.”  It’s like calling Los Angeles “Lala Land,” protest organizers said.

The Port’s communications office said that the new sign was put up to make the building marker “more sexy.” ” Besides, most tourists fondly call the city San Fran anyway, so we didn’t see anything wrong with the new sign,” a Ports official whose first name is Fernando, said. “People call me ‘Fern’ all the time, and it doesn’t offend me,” he added.

Meanwhile, residents of a relatively unknown city in Texas, are planning a related protest in front of their City Hall, demanding that “Frisco” be totally dropped from all references to San Francisco. The name of the Texas city is Frisco.

RUSSIANS BOYCOTT AMERICAN APPLE PIE

imageMoscow, Russia – Vodka is to Russia while apple pie is as American as it can get.   In recent weeks, many U.S. gay bars have boycotted vodka in protest of the Russian government’s increasing crackdown on homosexuality. This, despite the fact that vodka companies in the U.S. have been supportive of many U.S. gay events , including Pride festivities across the country.

In retaliation, restaurants and bakeries throughout Russia have agreed to ban all sales of apple pie in the country. The news was upsetting to the states of Washington, California, Michigan, Pennsylvania, New York and Virginia, the top six apple producers in the U.S.image

The Ohio-based General Mills, makers of the popular baking and pie product line Pillsbury, has not returned calls from The Adobo Chronicles for comment but is reportedlly preparing a media statement to be officially released tomorrow. General Mills is expected to address the issue on whether the Russian boycott of apple pie will affect its business.

Meanwhile, nationwide sales of Coors beer, once the target of a gay boycott, have registered a 150% increase since the vodka boycott was announced.

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