Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – In his most recent State of the Nation Address (SONA) last July, Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino touted his administration’s accomplishments in the areas of economic and infrastructure development, modernization of the military and reforms to combat government corruption.
Aquino takes great pride in the fact that during his administration, the Philippines has been transformed from being the “sick man of Asia” to the region’s “new economic tiger.”
Today, Aquino told reporters he was extremely elated over a new world record attained by his country. The Philippines just made it to the top 21 list of “Most Miserable Countries.”
The list, put together by Bloomberg News, was based on a “misery index” developed by the late economist Arthur Okun. The index takes into account a country’s inflation and unemployment rates. The index was extremely popular during the Jimmy Carter and Ronald Reagan administrations.
The Philippines was number 16 on the list of 21, earning a misery index score of 11.90% (4.9% inflation rate and 7.0 % unemployment).
Aquino said, “Every Filipino should be very proud because we are the only country in Asia that made the list.”
Venezuela, the Philippines’ toughest rival in international beauty pageants, was number one on the miserable list.
Manila, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) – The government of Philippine President NoyNoy Aquino has condemned a recent statement made by U.S. President Jose Biden regarding ISIS. Speaking about the militant group responsible for the beheading of two American journalists, Biden said, “We will follow them to the gates of hell.”
Aquino interpreted Biden’s warning as a threat to invade Manila, the Philippine capital described in author Dan Brown’s latest novel Inferno as ‘the gates of hell.’
“We may be close allies with the United States, but we will defend our country against any invasion to the last drop of our blood,” Aquino said.
Meanwhile, Philippine troops were seen amassing at Rizal Park (Luneta), ready to hold the nearby U.S. Embassy in Manila hostage in case the U.S. launches an attack.
This is the first time in Aquino’s more than four years in office that he has demonstrated strong leadership. Even his harshest critics were quite impressed.
San Francisco, California (The Adobo Chronicles) – The historic Castro Rainbow Honor Walk (San Francisco’s version of the Hollywood Walk of Fame) was unveiled Tuesday amid fanfare and celebration, only to be doused with a cold bucket of ice, complete with embarrassment and criticism. The reason? Glaring typos on a couple of the bronze plaques (see photos).
In an apparent attempt at damage control, Castro District County Supervisor Scott Wiener and the Honor Walk Board of Directors announced they were hiring for two full-time positions, effective immediately. The job description lists the following required skills:
Must be able to spell ‘biting’
Must be able to spell ‘transgendered’
Must know the correct color sequence of the gay rainbow flag
(The next phase of the Castro Street redevelopment project involves the painting of crosswalks with the colors of the rainbow)
The Honor Board is an equal opportunity employer. LGBT and straight people are encouraged to apply.
For the full job descrption and application procedures, visit CastroRainbowHonorWalk.org