PRINCE HARRY DIAGNOSED WITH RARE FORM OF DEPRESSION

photo(282)London, U.K. – Most everyone is familiar with postpartum depression which affects 10-20 percent of childbearing women.  But doctors at the Royal Centre for Defence Medicine have discovered a rare form of depression that afflicts individuals other than the women giving birth. Amid the frenzy over the impending birth of the first child of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, doctors announced that the first patient they have ever diagnosed with this rare depression was no less than Prince Harry.

Doctors are calling this disease “prepartum depression,” apparently caused by panic or anxiety over an impending birth of a child.  Hospital records show that Prince Harry has been suffering from this condition for 9 months now.  It began immediately after the announcement that the Duchess of Cambridge was pregnant.

The Senior Psychiatrist at the Centre, speaking to paparazzis camped outside the facility, said that Prince Harry’s depression was caused by the fact that the younger brother of Prince William has been “deposed” from his spot in the ascendancy to the British throne.  Prior to the pregnancy of Kate Middleton, Prince Harry was 3rd in line to inherit the throne, next to Prince Charles and Prince William. Prince Harry was reportedly resorting to drugs and alcohol, as well as behavior not befitting of royalty, since he learned of the arrival of the Royal Baby.

Doctors are closely monitoring Prince Harry’s condition, but would not confirm whether the Prince’s depression would automatically convert to postpartum depression once the Royal Baby is born.

MANILA MAYOR WON’T LET GO OF CAPTIVE ELEPHANT

imageManila, Philippines – Meet Mali, the elephant that was a gift from the government of Sri Lanka to former Philippine First Lady and Metro Manila Governor Imelda Marcos. That was 35  years ago. Since then, Mali has been held in captivity at the Manila Zoo, alone and uncared for in terms of her medical needs.

Animal rights activists worldwide have been calling on the Philippine government to release her and have her transferred to an elephant sanctuary in Thailand where she could be with other elephants in a natural habitat.  Former Beatle Paul McCarthy was among the latest celebrities to advocate for Mali’s release, writing a letter to Philippine President Aquino.

But the fight for Mali’s release seems to hinge on Manila’s local government, not the presidential palace.

imageManila Mayor Joseph Estrada has refused to release Mali to the sanctuary. Estrada is a movie actor and former Philippine president who was impeached and convicted for corruption, only to be pardoned  and released from prison by another Philippine President, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who herself faces corruption charges.

“Since I am now the mayor of Manila which has jurisdiction over the Manila Zoo, I am technically the owner of Mali,” Estrada told a group of international reporters at Manila’s Press Club.

Asked by The Adobo Chronicles  during a Skype call last night about his reason for not wanting to release Mali, Estrada said “Mali is the perfect symbol of my career as a politician. My career is a show, a circus.  And what better represents my career than an elephant?”

“Besides,” Estrada added, “I believe my politics is more aligned with the Republican Party in the U.S.  and I know the elephant is their mascot and symbol.”

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Editor’s note: Well, for once, Estrada got something correct.

WHITE HOUSE MULLS CHANGE IN THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

Roseanne Barr at the 1990 San Diego Padres game.
Roseanne Barr at the 1990 San Diego Padres game

Washington, D.C. – Nothing can be more controversial and embarrassing than a public  performance of “The Star-Spangled Banner” that has gone awry –from  Roseanne Barr’s disrespectful rendition to Christina Aguilera’s mixed-up lyrics to Hillary Clinton’s open mike fiasco.

Experts agree that the U.S. National Anthem is one of the most difficult to sing not only because its lyrics make no utter sense to 9 in 10 Americans, but also because the melody  requires someone with a super-stretched vocal range.

A group of citizens has had enough of these embarrassing moments.  It has sent a petition to The White House to replace  “The Star-Spangled Banner” with Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA”  The petition, posted in The White House web site, contends that the Cyrus song is much more easy to remember and has a more upbeat melody.image

Re-live the embarrassing moments.

During a surprise visit to The White House press room, President Barack Obama indicated that he is leaning towards making the national anthem change through an Executive Order. Pressed by reporters  on why he favors “Party in the USA,” Obama said: “Our national anthem should represent a celebration of our greatness as a nation, our resiliency as a people, and our party attitude which is the hallmark of our social fabric.”

Obama added:  “Imagine an American standing atop the Olympic medal stand while our national anthem is played, or being in the bleachers of a packed baseball arena with thousands and thousands of partying fans.  It will be quite a riot!  That’s what America is all about.”

As of press time, the petition has gained a whopping 1,197 signatures. People can still sign on to the petition through the White House Petitions Web Page.

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