DEA TAKES OVER FACEBOOK

imageWashington. D.C. — It was just a matter of time. President Obama has signed an Executive Order placing the popular social networking site Facebook under the jurisdiction of the Department of Justice’s Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA).  DEA is charged with investigating and prosecuting drug and addiction cases.

The Executive Order came on the heels of a nationwide survey among Americans aged 7 to 77  showing that millions are now seriously addicted to Facebook.

DEA has opened a hotline – 1 800 IADDICT – to receive confidential tips to help the agency identify and file charges against Facebook addicts.    DEA has also sought the assistance of the National Security Adminustration (NSA) which has long been known to be monitoring Facebook and other Internet accounts of Americans.

Under the Executive Order, Facebook addiction is defined as “logging in to a Facebook account for more than 15 minutes during any of these times: 6am to 9am, 11am to 2pm and 5pm to Midnight.” Those charged and convicted will face a maximum prison term of 30 days or until completion of a two-week Facebook Anonymous program, whichever comes first.

Everywhere throughout the country, this phrase will be repeated over and over as DEA pursues its mandate to curb the social menace: “Hi, my name is ——, and I am a Facebook addict.”

PHILIPPINE BEER COMPANY TO BUILD AND MANAGE NEW TOLL ROAD IN MANILA

san migManila, Philippines – Southeast Asia’s largest publicly listed food, beverage and packaging company,  San Miguel Corporation,  is slated in January to start  construction work on a  Fifteen Billion Peso toll road that would connect Manila’s Ninoy Aquino International Airport to existing expressways in the metropolis.  The project , when completed, is expected to greatly ease traffic gridlock which is an everyday occurrence  leading to and from the airport. It will also serve as a short cut to the gambling casinos along Manila Bay.

This project is part of  President Noynoy Aquino Administration’s public-private partnership, where public projects such as these are funded wholly, or in part, by private corporations, with strings attached of course.

Established in 1890 as a brewery, San Miguel Corporation has some 17,000 employees in over 100 major facilities throughout the Asia-Pacific region. It carries many brand names in the Philippine food and beverage industry, including San Miguel Pale Pilsen, Ginebra San Miguel, Monterey, Magnolia, and Purefoods. San Miguel Beer is one of the largest selling beers and among the top ten selling beer brands in the world.express

Return on Investment

As part of the signed agreement, San Miguel Corporation will invest P11 Billion in the project.  The company’s return on investment will come when it starts collecting toll along the completed sky way. It wasn’t clear whether any portion of the toll fees will go to the government.

Almost Botched

Informed sources who spoke on condition of anonymity said that there was one major roadblock to the signing of the agreement. San Miguel Corporation wanted to sell its premiere product, San Miguel Beer, at the toll booths leading up to the expressway.  Initially, the Aquino Administration objected to the idea because this would be in violation of the country’s DUI regulations.  After weeks of negotiation, however, the Aquino Administration relented, on the condition that only San Miguel Lite Beer, not the regular beer, will be sold at the toll booths.  The government also sought a concession from San Miguel Corporation which agreed to share 10% of all beer sales at the toll booths with the government.

HOMELESS NEW YORKER MAKES $250 A DAY CUTTING BAGELS

imageNew York, New York – Cut or  uncut bagels, that is the question. An obscure New York sales tax regulation mandates that the sale of whole bagels isn’t subject to sales tax, but the tax applies to sliced or prepared bagels with cream cheese or other toppings.  The state’s Department of Taxation and Finance also reminds business owners and consumers alike that “if the bagel is eaten in the store, even if it’s never been touched by a knife, it’s also taxed.

For Conrad Smith, a homeless New Yorker who is a veteran of the Vietnam War, this regulation has opened up a lucrative opportunity for him to earn an average of $250 a day.    Smith has set up a makeshift “shop” just outside a popular bagel store on 42nd Street. He invested $50 dollars of his hard-earned cash to purchase  a portable table and chair combo from IKEA, and a stainless bread knife from Crate & Barrel.

Seven days a week, Smith sets up shop and charges fifty cents for every bagel he cuts with his knife and another fifty cents for the use of his portable table and chair. Customers are glad to patronize Smith’s business, saying that they’d rather help a veteran than pay extra in sales tax to add to the state’s already fat coffers.

Although New York, like San Francisco, has a “sit and lie” ordinance, prohibiting homeless and other people from sitting on sidewalks, setting up a table and chair along the sidewalk does not violate the ordinance.

Smith told The Adobo Chronicles that he is saving up his earnings so that one day, he can establish his own bagel shop, and give another homeless veteran the opportunity to make a living cutting whole bagels.

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