BIKINIS WILL BE BANNED IN WAIKIKI BEACH ON SUNDAYS

imageHonolulu, Hawaii – Nestled in the midst of Waikiki’s high-rise hotels and condos, St. Augustine By The Sea is less than imposing, but this Catholic Church on Kalakaua Avenue directly across from the beach sure knows how to exert its religious influence over Honolulu’s City Hall.

A new ordinance will soon go into effect banning bikinis and other skimpy swimwear on Sundays along a wide stretch of Waikiki beach – from the Waikiki Aquarium across Kapiolani Part to the Sheraton Moana Hotel (see map).

imageThe Catholic Archdiocese of Honolulu has convinced lawmakers that this stretch of the beach should be void of bikini-clad tourists who are in plain view of Sunday churchgoers. “We want our congregation members and visiting Catholics to be free of worldy distractions as they approach or leave the church and participate in our Sunday services,” a spokesperson for the Archdiocese said. The Sunday ban will be imposed from 6am to 6pm.

Independent merchants, particularly individuals renting out surfboards, beach umbrellas and beach chaise lounges along that stretch of Waikiki beach have protested the ordinance, but the influencial  Catholic Church, as expected, has prevailed.

This is the first-known bikini ban on the beach anywhere in the world. Vietri Sul Mare, a small Italian beachside town in the Amalfi Coast,  has a bikini ban but it only applies to areas outside of the beach.

MAJORITY OF AMERICAN FOOTBALL FANS CAN’T COUNT IN ROMAN NUMERALS

bowlNew York, NY – With Super Bowl XLVIII just days away, the country’s leading poll organization, The Gallup Poll, released a new survey that showed Americans can’t find Yemen on the world map.  But that was not the most revealing result of the new poll. Part Two of the poll showed that Americans — football fans in particular — can’t count in Roman numerals.

There was only one multiple-choice question on the second part of the survey: “Which of the following Arabic numerals correspond to the Roman numerals XLVIII ?”  The choices were 28, 38, 48, 58 , 68, and “none of the above.”

Thirty percent of respondents answered 28; twenty five percent answered 38; fifteen percent answered 68, and ten percent answered 58.  Only 5% answered 48 which was the correct answer. The remaining fifteen percent answered “none of the above” because they didn’t know that the numbers 0123456789 were called “Arabic”numerals.  They thought that Arabic numerals referred to the special characters used in Yemen and the rest of the Arab world.

Upon learning of the poll results, the National Football League board of governors met in an emergency session to unanimously approve a resolution to change next year’s official Super Bowl name to “Super Bowl 49.”

PRESIDENT OBAMA TO TACKLE JUSTIN BIEBER PETITION IN HIS STATE OF THE UNION

imageWashington, D.C. – Whether making a major policy speech, in the campaign trail, or in his annual State Of The Union, President Barack Obama is known to keep making changes and edits till the very last minute.  Tonight is no exception.

When he delivers his fifth State Of The Union tonight, Obama is reportedy adding a new paragraph that will respond to an online petition demanding the deportation of pop star Justin Bieber. Bieber, a Canadian citizen, has had many encounters with U.S. law enforcement, including his latest charges of and booking for DUI, resisting arrest and drag racing. The petition also asks for the revocation of Bieber’s green card.

The petition, posted on The White House “We The People” website, is nearing 100,000 signatures, the threshold that would elicit an official White House response.

The new paragraph is reportedly being inserted into the part where Obama addresses the issue of immigration reform.

To learn more about the online petition, visit petitions.whitehouse.gov

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