WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION DISCOVERED ON MARS

NASA photo captured by Mars Rover
NASA photo captured by Mars Rover

Washington, D.C. – It was the search for weapons of mass destruction that prompted the U.S. invasion of Iraq in 2003.  It was to become the legacy of the administration of George W. Bush. But neither the ‘shock and awe’ that began the Iraq war nor Bush’s speech on board USS Abraham Lincoln with the sign ‘Mission Accomplished’ emblazoned behind him produced any evidence of  WMDs.

Now, it can be revealed that the regime of Saddam Hussein indeed harbored weapons of mass destruction, not hidden anywhere within Iraqi territory, but stashed away on the planet Mars.

The National Aeronautics & Space Administration (NASA) has released photos taken by one of two rovers on the red planet. The photos showed what appears to be artificial light emanating outward from the planet’s surface, and beamed millions of miles from Mars to the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California.

Scientists were quick to speculate that intelligent beings exist in Mars.  However, a confidential memo from the U.S. Department of Defense confirmed that the light beam was part of the cache of WMDs which it said Iraq sent to the red planet just weeks prior to the U.S. invasion.

Both NASA and DOD are currently determining whether the WMDs were rocketed to Mars in unmanned spaceships or whether there actually are Iraqis now on Mars who are managing and maintaining the weapons.

 

 

PHILIPPINES’ CATHOLIC BISHOPS GO ON STRIKE OVER SUPREME COURT DECISION ON REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH LAW

File photo: Philippine bishops with former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo
File photo: Philippine bishops with former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo

Baguio City, Philippines – This week, the Supreme Court of the Philippines ruled that the controversial Reproductive Health Bill passed by Congress and signed into law by President NoyNoy Aquino is constitutional.

Meeting in Baguio City, the Philippine summer capital, the justices unanimously agreed to let stand most of the new law which provides for the distribution of condoms and other birth control devices in government clinics as well as sex education in schools.

Immediately after the announcement of the high court’s decision, the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) declared a nationwide strike. The Philippine bishops have been against the measure from the beginning, often using the pulpit to encourage the Catholic faithful to oppose the bill, now law.

The nationwide strike comes at a crucial time as Filipinos approach the conclusion of the Lenten season, leading up to Easter Sunday.

A CBCP spokesperson said that effective immediately, all priests and bishops will refrain from saying mass or administering the sacraments in all churches and parishes in the country.

The strike is expected to paralyze this predominantly Catholic country of almost 100 Million people.

CBCP declined to say whether or  not the strike had the imprimatur of Pope Francis.

WHY HAWAII’S NEXT NEW CONGRESSMAN COULD BE REPUBLICAN

Charles Djou
Charles Djou

Honolulu, Hawaii – We all know about Blue Hawaii, the bluest of states. But the Republicans have a good chance of sending one of their own to the U.S. Congress come the 2014 elections, in the person of Charles Djou of the 1st Congressional district of Oahu.

The Huffington Post  lists 8 reasons why Hawaii could elect a Republican candidate in this year’s congressional elections.

The Adobo Chronicles agrees with the No. 8 reason listed by HuffPost: that Charles has a memorable last name, one that voters would easily remember when they enter the polling booth.

Imagine a candidate whose last name is humuhumunukunukuapua’a. Okay, that’s Hawaii’s state fish, but you know what we mean.

Charles’ last name is easy enough to remember. Is it a cross between French and Chinese. But voters just need to think about the mustard they put on their BBQ burgers or their loco mocos: dijon.

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