RUSSIA SUSPENDS VISA REQUIREMENTS, SUBSIDIZES AIRFARE AND GIVES AWAY FREE OLYMPIC TICKETS

imageSochi, Russia – Russia is trying hard to put its best foot forward in hosting the 2014 Winter Olympics, but scenes showing empty seats at the Iceberg Skating Palace and other venues are causing a big headache for President Vladimir Putin and Russian Olympic officials.

In an emergency meeting held at the Kremlin, the Russian government has decided to suspend all travel visa requirements as well as give away Olympic venue tickets in order to fill the empty seats. It is also considering subsidizing airfares from anywhere in the world to Sochi for the next two weeks.image13.jpg

The Putin government has also reportedly paid NBC and other media companies covering the winter games to refrain from photographing or aiming their television cameras at the empty seats during all scheduled events.

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PUTIN ARRESTED FOR VIOLATING RUSSIA’S ANTI-GAY LAW

imageSochi, Russia – Russian President Vladimir Putin was arrested Sunday night for violating his own government’s laws prohibiting the public display of homosexuality.

The arrest came shortly after the Russians won the gold medal in the team skating competition, beating out Canada and the United States. Putin, who was in the audience all evening, rushed to the athletes’ stand and embraced the handsome Evgeni Plushenko.image13.jpg

Putin was booked but later released after making a public apology. “I just could not contain myself, ” he said, “and I am really sorry for bringing embarassment to Russia.”

THE ONION PROPOSES MERGER WITH THE ADOBO CHRONICLES

imageChicago, Illinois –  America’s Finest News Source is proposing a merger with Your Source of Up-to-date Unbelievable News.

The Chicago-based The Onion has offered to absorb the international operations of the Silicon Valley-based The Adobo Chronicles for $2 Million. The Onion, which started its Internet operations in 1988, boasts of a monthly viewership of  11 Million.  The Adobo Chronicles, on the other hand, started just nine months ago and is now enjoying an average monthly viewership of 1 Million.

Investors for The Onion see a great potential to increase its worldwide viewership by merging with The Adobo Chronicles.

The Adobo Chronicles has assembled a team of lawyers and investment analysts to study the merger proposal. The name of the merged company is obviously a sticky issue, with both media outlets wanting to retain their respective names. Ironically, the names of both companies have to do with food: onion being a widely-used vegetable for cooking and adobo being the national dish of the Philippines.

Negotiators on either side have, however, agreed on the tagline for the merged company: “Your Finest Source of Up-to-Date Unbelievable World News.” A great start in the negotiations.

Media mergers and buyouts are becoming more and more common but this proposed merger is different in that it has nothing to do with either company’s financial challenges.  Rather it is seen as great potential for expansion and viewership.

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