Washington, D.C. – Nothing can be more controversial and embarrassing than a public performance of “The Star-Spangled Banner” that has gone awry –from Roseanne Barr’s disrespectful rendition to Christina Aguilera’s mixed-up lyrics to Hillary Clinton’s open mike fiasco.
Experts agree that the U.S. National Anthem is one of the most difficult to sing not only because its lyrics make no utter sense to 9 in 10 Americans, but also because the melody requires someone with a super-stretched vocal range.
A group of citizens has had enough of these embarrassing moments. It has sent a petition to The White House to replace “The Star-Spangled Banner” with Miley Cyrus’ “Party in the USA” The petition, posted in The White House web site, contends that the Cyrus song is much more easy to remember and has a more upbeat melody.
During a surprise visit to The White House press room, President Barack Obama indicated that he is leaning towards making the national anthem change through an Executive Order. Pressed by reporters on why he favors “Party in the USA,” Obama said: “Our national anthem should represent a celebration of our greatness as a nation, our resiliency as a people, and our party attitude which is the hallmark of our social fabric.”
Obama added: “Imagine an American standing atop the Olympic medal stand while our national anthem is played, or being in the bleachers of a packed baseball arena with thousands and thousands of partying fans. It will be quite a riot! That’s what America is all about.”
As of press time, the petition has gained a whopping 1,197 signatures. People can still sign on to the petition through the White House Petitions Web Page.
Detroit-Windsor Tunnel – While the Twitter world was abuzz with ignorant and racist comments about singer Marc Anthony singing “God Bless America” at this week’s Major League Baseball All-Star Game in New York City, something else was going on at the U.S.-Canada border in Detroit, Michigan.
Pop singer Justin Bieber was barred from reentering the United States after spending the night at a downtown Windsor hotel where the teenage idol hosted a lavish but roudy party for some childhood Canadian friends. Bieber, who is a Canadian citizen, was denied re-entry by border patrol agents after they ran his passport through the document scanner. The attending agent was aghast when the scan pulled up a long list of misdemeanors attributed to the singer. The list included a link to the video showing Bieber peeing into a restaurant mop bucket in New York, during which he also sprayed a photo of President Bill Clinton with a cleaning liquid while shouting “F**k Bill Clinton! ” The list also included a Twitter meltdown, erratic driving, illegal drugs found on his tour bus and failure to pay a $1,600 bill he owed an indoor skydiving facility.
The border patrol agent, after consultation with the U.S. border supervisor, stamped Bieber’s passport with a bright pink marking that read “DENIED ENTRY.” Bieber, who was driving a red lamborghini with a special Michigan license plate that bore the letters “IMGOD,” was then asked to turn around and proceed back to Windsor. The U.S. border supervisor told The Adobo Chronicles that the decision to deny Bieber entry into the U.S. was based on discretionary decisions which he is empowered to make under the Department of Homeland Security’s border guidelines and operating procedures. He added that with the long list of misdemeanors attributed to Bieber, it is clear that the singer had no respect for U.S. laws and is an obvious threat to the peace, security and sanity of America.
While Bieber’s attorneys are preparing an appeal letter to Homeland Security, the singer accepted a last-minute invitation to sing “O Canada” at the opening of an all-star basketball game scheduled for Saturday at the Rogers Arena in downtown Vancouver. News of the invitation angered many Canadians who mistakenly thought Bieber was American.
Subic, Philippines – A leaked document from the Philippine Department of Foreign Affairs has revealed secret negotiatons between the United States and the Philippines that could lead to this Southeast Asian country becoming the 51st U.S. state.
The statehood movement, which is not new, stalled in 1992 when street protests by Filipinos eventually led to the closure of all U.S. military bases in the country.
The leak comes in the wake of a recent request from the U.S. government for an expanded military role in the Philippines under the guise of protecting Philippine interests in its ongoing territorial conflict with China. The request would allow American forces to stay in the Philippines for longer periods of time and be stationed at Philippine military bases. Critics have immediately protested the request saying, “The American military forces are already enjoying a tourist visa, now they also want a working visa?”
On the other side of the coin, supporters of the statehood movement say that it only makes sense that the Philippines become the 51st U.S. state, citing the facts that Filipinos already speak English, value the dollar more than the peso (as evidenced by foreign exchange centers in malls and street corners, are addicted to Hollywood movies, and already observe American special days like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. They also pointed out that Filipinos are everywhere around the globe. This, they said, would further boost America’s presence on the world stage.
In a statement from the U.S. Embassy in Manila, it was also pointed out that making the Philippines the 51st U.S. state would significantly reduce the embassy’s workload in processing tourist, work and immigrant visas for Filipinos.