Washington, D.C. – With no apparent compromise surrounding the two-day old government shutdown, President Barack Obama today signed an executive order to sequester the entire U.S. Congress. Emerging from a meeting with top congressional leaders at The White House, Obama said the order is the last remaining option to end the Washington impasse.
As soon as the congress leaders returned to the U.S. Capitol, Obama ordered the National Guard to put up a barbed wire fence around the Capitol building, practically locking in the legislators and their staff. Minority leader Nancy Pelosi delivered a signed copy of the executive order to Speaker John Boehner as he banged the gavel to resume the legislative session early Thursday.
“The sequestration order will only be lifted after both the Senate and House of Representatives pass a budget bill to end the government shutdown, ” The White House said.
All the cafeterias within the Capitol Building have been locked down, but the National Guard will make daily deliveries of McDonald’s burgers and fries to feed the legislators and staff for the duration of the sequester.
Silicon Valley, California – As the government shutdown enters its second day — thanks to the stubborn Republicans and Tea Partiers in the U.S. Congress — three of the country’s social media giants threatened to go into their own shutdown unless the Legislature gets its act together soon.
Facebook, Google and Twitter issued a joint statement today saying that unless Congress passes a bill to reverse the government shutdown that went into effect yesterday, the social networking sites will also shut down their operations, essentially creating a total black screen on smart phones, tablets and computers.
Washington politicians know that the shutting down of Facebook, Google and Twitter will enrage millions of Americans who are already addicted to the social networks, and would, in effect, derail their chances of winning in next year’s midterm elections.
Facebook , Google and Twitter have given Congess until midnight tomorrow night to put up or shut up. The companies are urging their customers to inundate the phones, Facebook and Twitter pages, and web sites of their legislators with text messages and posts to pressure them to pass legislation that would put the government back in operation.
None of the Relublican leaders could be reached for comment because they all had left the Capitol early for happy hour in Washington, D.C. bars which were uncharacteristically empty tonight.
Bali, Indonesia – The United States was aiming for the “grand slam” at this year’s Miss World beauty pageant, focused on winning the crown to add to the Miss Universe title won earlier this year by Miss U.S.A. Olivia Culpo.
Olivia Jordan (yes, another Olivia), U.S.A.’s entry to this pretigious pageant held over the weekend in the Indonesian resort of Bali, made it to the top 10 contestants during Saturday’s finals, but not to the top 5.
Miss Philippines, Megan Young, an early favorite in the competition, went on to win the title, the first ever by a Filipina in Miss World’s 62-year history. Miss France was first runner-up and Miss Ghana came in third.
Less than 24 hours after the pageant finals, the U.S. filed a formal protest with the Miss World pageant organizers, saying that Young should be credited as a U.S. entry as well. Young was born in the United States to an American father and Filipina mother, but moved at age 10 to the Philippines where she is currentlly a model, actress and television host. “Technically, she is also Miss U.S.A,” the protest document indicated. “Even her surname is very American. Can’t she be at least declared as a ‘dual contestant’ by virtue of her dual citizenship?” it added.
Miss World owner Julia Morley has not returned calls from The Adobo Chronicles seeking comment on the U.S. protest.