Honolulu. Hawaii – Last week, The Adobo Chronicles broke the story about Hawaiian Airlines implementing new procedures whereby early boarding will be extended to ticketed passengers who can say “Humuhumunukunukuapua’a,” the name of Hawaii’s state fish. Read the story here.
Today, Aloha Airlines announced that it will be offering free first class upgrades to any ticketed economy passengers who can say — in one breath – “Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele.” It is the name of a Hawaii woman who recently complained that local officials are trying to get her to change her lengthy last name because it exceeds the number of characters allowed on state-issued identification cards.
Janice “Lokelani” Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele was able to convince the governor’s office to issue a special ID that could fit her entire surname, but when it expired earlier this year, she was right back where she started.
The problem, Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele says, is that her driver’s license was printed with just an abbreviated version of her family name — her first and middle name were completely left off.
Hawaii’s Department of Motor Vehicles had asked her to change her name “to make it easy for everyone.” She refuses to do so.
Aloha Airlines said that their new offer is in keeping with the company’s mission statement to uphold the preservation of the Hawaiian culture.
So, for passengers of Hawaiian or Aloha Airlines, it is no longer enough to be able to say “Aloha.” If they want perks like early boarding or first class upgrades, they should be able to say, “Humuhumunukunukuapua’a” or “Keihanaikukauakahihuliheekahaunaele.”
New York, New York – Following their defeat in the New York Democratic primary elections, Anthony Weiner and Eliot Spitzer both announced that they have applied for Philippine citizenship in order to salvage their severely damaged political careers. Weiner lost his bid to become mayor of New York City, while Spitzer failed in his quest to become city comptroller.
Weiner had been in political exile since he resigned from Congress in 2011 for sending women lewd online messages and pictures. He got into the mayor’s race in May, and aside from a few dust-ups with hecklers, was largely well-received at first, holding the lead for most of June and July. Spitzer resigned as governor in 2008 and admitted he paid for sex with call girls. In exile, he bounced around television as a pundit. Then, just four days before the deadline, he announced he was running for comptroller.
The disgraced American politicians apparently saw light at the end of the tunnel after being briefed by their political advisers that in the Philippines, politicians get elected and re-elected regardless of scandals or even conviction and imprisonment. Their advisers pointed to the case of former Philippine President Joseph Estrada, who even after being convicted and jailed for corruption, ran and won the race for mayor of Manila, the Philippine capital. They also cited the case of another former Philippine President, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who despite being charged with plunder and is currently under hospital arrest, won a seat in the House of Representatives. They added, “This is not to mention the family of the late dictator Ferdinand Marcos whose wife Imelda has been elected to Congress and son Bongbong who won a Senate seat. Daughter Imee is governor of Marcos’ home province of Ilocos Norte.”
The Adobo Chronicles has learned that Philippine immigration officials have offered to expedite the immigration and citizenship process for both Weiner and Spitzer while Mayor Joseph Estrada indicated he will roll the red carpet for the Americans when they arrive at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport. Asked to comment about the American politicians’ plan to move to the Philippines, President NoyNoy Aquino said, “They would be a welcome addition to the Philippine political circus, I mean circuit.”
The next scheduled national elections in the Philippines is in 2016. Will the Filipino electorate see a Weiner and a Spitzer for Congress?
VILNIUS, Lithuania —Armed with $1 Billion vouchers, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is in Europe courting international support for a possible U.S. military strike on Syria for alleged use of chemical weapons.
Kerry, the Obama administration’s chief salesman for a U.S. punitive strike, will meet Saturday with European officials about the Syrian crisis and update them on ongoing peace talks between Israel and the Palestinians.
President Barack Obama decided last weekend to postpone any military action and seek the backing of Congress before proceeding to violate the United Nations Charter.
The administration is running out of options for gaining support. A favorable Congressional vote is doubtful. U.S. Allies have not aligned with the U.S. The G20 leaders were lukewarm. The U.N. Secretary General is opposed. Polls show 6 in 10 Americans do not support the strike.
“This is our last straw ” Kerry said. “Any country that will support our planned military strike will get $1 Billion in U.S. aid, provided they sign on within the next 3 days. U.S. credibility is what’s at stake here, ” he added.
Asked by The Adobo Chronicles where the funds will come from, Kerry replied, “Oh, it’s part of the little-known presidential pork barrel. We have not touched it in 5 years. The time has come.”