Tarlac, Philippines – On the eve of the planned Million Protest March in Manila, presidential sister and TV host Kris Aquino has finally broken her silence on the Priority Assistance Development Fund (PADF) or pork barrel, which has consumed the country’s daily business due to a massive scam that has robbed Filipino taxpayers of more than 10 Billion pesos.
The Monday “people’s march” calls for the total abolition of pork barrel and the prosecution of citizens and politicians who have personally benefited from the scam. Philippine president NoyNoy Aquino, bowing to public pressure, had announced that he would scrap the pork barrel.
Kris Aquino, who had previously announced her intention to run for governor of her native province of Tarlac in Central Philippines in 2016, has all but been silent on the pork barrel scandal. Finally, at a press conference in Tarlac this weekend, Aquino declared, “As governor of Tarlac, I will not need any pork.”
Potential opponents in the 2016 Tarlac governor’s race were quick to dismiss Miss Aquino’s statement. “Of course it’s easy for her to say that,” said one local political foe, “she’s vegetarian!”
Denver, Colorado – A recent segment on CNN is causing quite a stir in the Cannabis world. But it is not most people would think.
In a recent special report, CNN’s chief medical correpondent Dr. Sanjay Gupta, whose name was once floated as a candidate for the country’s Surgeon General position, indicated that he has changed his earlier position on medical marijuana. Gupta said he now believes that MJ has its medical uses and can bring grams and grams of relief to individuals suffering from chronic and untreatable conditions.
The Helping Hands Dispensary in Colorado was so elated over the CNN report that it named one of its marijuana strains after Gupta. It started selling the strain under the name, “Sanjay Gupta Kush.”
Upon learning of this move by the marijuana dispensary, CNN called the owner expressing its displeasure about the Gupta Kush.
“CNN was visibly very upset, demanding that we drop the name,” the owner said. The Atlanta-based cable news network threatened to sue the dispensary unless it changed the name of the strain to “CNN Kush.”
“After all, the report was broadcast on CNN,” the network told the owner. Besides, CNN added, “we need all the publicity we can get in view of our declining ratings, not to mention the new competition we are getting from the newly-launched news cable network, Al Jazeera America.”
Rome, Italy – The news and social media were abuzz with photos of and comments about Madonna’s grill. Not the barbecue grill, but the dental grill. The 55 year-old diva shocked reporters and her fans after she was photographed in Rome wearing a grill, some kind of teeth jewelry resembling that of dental braces.
Many fans were visibly upset upon seeing her photos on the Internet. “She looks like a wicked witch,” a fan exclaimed.
Well, the fan is actually right. It turns out that Madonna is producing a new film, a remake of “The Wizard Of Oz,” in which she will play role of the wicked witch.
Unlike the original verson of the classic film, the remake will be filmed not in Kansas, but in Italy. “We won’t have any difficulty filming the yellow brick road scenes here in Italy, given the abundance of cobblestone roads in the country,” Madonna said.
She asked her fans to keep calm about her new look. “The grill easily comes off, like my earrings,” she said.
In the meantime, Wall Street is reporting that dental and jewelry-related stock prices have more than doubled since the Madonna photos were posted on the Internet. Many parents were also complaining that their young daughters have all of a sudden demanded to be fitted with gold braces.