PIGS STAGE PROTEST IN THE PHILIPPINES

Manila – On the feast of St. John the Baptist on June 24, pigs took to the streets of Balayan, in Batangas province of the Philippines to protest what they called centuries of torture and sadism inflicted upon them by local residents.

Roasted pigs being paraded in previous year's festival
Roasted pigs being paraded in previous year’s festival

Each year, Balayan holds the Parada ng Lechon, (Parade of Roasted Suckling Pigs), dressing the porkies in outlandish costumes ranging from Superman to Queen Elizabeth. “We’ve had enough,” the pigs’ leader proclaimed. “We will no longer tolerate being skewered and burned in fire pits, then treated like Mattel dolls.”

As residents were waking up at dawn to butcher the pigs and begin the tedious roasting process, hundreds of pigs broke off their bamboo pens and blockaded the main street and route of the annual parade.  Police were called to disperse the pigs, using tear gas to calm the protesters, but to no avail.

The mayor of Balayan had no choice but to cancel this year’s festivities and vowed to turn the traditional parade to an all-day karaoke competition capped by a beauty pageant — among humans, beginning in 2014.

All’s well that ends well.

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